This came to me from a friend and I thought it ought to be shared, yet I couldn’t help but modify it a bit.
- I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can’t afford one. So, I’m wearing my garage door opener.
- I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
- You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.
- Shouldn’t women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
- I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is ‘when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it or throw it.’
- I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it ‘Pumping Rust’, but I’ve gotten that dreaded “furniture disease“. That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!
- When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a cat?’ Just once I want to respond, ‘No, it’s for company!
- Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, ‘A Good Doctor’!
- I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They’re cramming for their finals. As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.
Gentle Thoughts for Today –
- Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then poop on your car.
- A penny saved is a government oversight.
- The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, … by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement, then you can return the new one.
- Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
- The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble..
- Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs…’
- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and most of the roads weren’t paved, and pothole ridden – and at the speed I traversed this land ……
- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Anthropology.
- You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
- One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable, except for the other 99.5% of us who ache all over … even with our store-bought teeth.
Until I come home Lord, … Please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . . .